Lead

Twice in the last week in 2 very different sources, I have read about crustaceans (lobster/crab – take your pick!) escaping from the boiling pot.

From a business standpoint, the reference was to leadership. It mentioned how there is always someone brave enough to “rock the pot”, to escape the status quo and bring his brothers along with him. The article spoke of the remaining crustaceans, giving him a boost (with their own specific skills) which allowed the leader to lead them, and hence make changes that cause a shift in their working environment.

The second reference came from a female entertainer. Here again she spoke of the crustacean in the boiling pot. I was prepared to hear a similar story but her response came as a surprise. She spoke of how the women in her past had not offered the helping hand, how for the most part if someone escaped the heat, that they sat on the lid to prevent you from freeing yourself as well. How sad.

One pot, two experiences and here’s the question. Human being or crustacean, are you the one lending a helping hand, assisting your peers to be the best they can be or are you the one sitting on the lid?

Having just finished Anita Diamant’s The Red Tent, I could recap for you the story of Dinah’s voice in the Book of Genesis. However, the fellowship of women, the words used to describe their joy and their suffering, their absolute commonality to every woman who has walked this earth should be discovered on your own sofa with the beverage of your choice. Sisterhood must continue because stories are essential to make sense of life.

“Even those without family live in such close quarters to their neighbours that the cries of a labouring mother bring out other women like geese responding to the call of a leader in flight.”

Yesterday or today, assist your leader until you are one.

Door

who would have thought it would take so long
to finish the words of our final song
we thought we could make it
break it and retake it
but that isn't so.

there comes a time when hello will not do
when promises broken, things that are unspoken
are bigger than me and you.

and life must go on
so now goodbye (old lover, long ago friend)
may the angels help you
with what I could not.

for our journey has come to an end
say farewell to me and you
for I have been broken
with things that were spoken
and a new promise just will not do.


2005

Go Slow

Driving south on HWY 93 a week ago for a quick weekend getaway, I was lulled to the tranquility of off-season travelling. The experience is quite different from the congested roads when the sun is high, and the children (and their parents) are free.

The wildlife strolled in slow motion across our paths and stared you down with a look of endless patience. “I can outlast you” they said, you are only here for a weekend.

Slowing down is not something that many of us do easily. Unfortunately, we are forever racing to catch up and then to squeeze in as much as possible over a weekend. We jump up during commercials to do the laundry, jot something on a list or look up info on our Playbooks. Our minds are busy places.

The weekend away allowed me to turn it all off. I sipped wine, had a bubble bath and read my book. The Red Tent, Anita Diamant continues to hold my interest, I am fascinated by the story and plan some quiet minutes at the end of the day with it. My gift to myself. Look for my thoughts on this book shortly.

In conversation with two old friends, I discovered that they had both read The Red Tent some time ago and had moved on to many literary works since then. Apparently, I have not squeezed in the right things and have a lot yet to learn.

Throw Something Out!

I was recently listening to Gail Banke's Throw Out Fifty Things: Clear the Clutter, Find Your Life on my iPod. She spoke of the oh-so obvious - the single sock that we hang on to in hopes of its missing mate suddenly reappearing, the half used hair product that didn't meet its promise, or the sweatshirt from our high school days.

It brought to mind the many ventures we start and abandon or outgrow with the passage of time. The cans of paint that could not and should not be transported to a new condo, the scraps of fabric from our quilting days when we move to a warmer, sunnier climate need to be left behind with respect. Banke suggested going from room to room and discarding the old, the used the I'll-never-use-again items and before you know it, you will add up to 50 things. Donate, recycle and plain trash it - it will feel good and make space for the NEW to enter your life. This philosophy is well voiced in The Secret and in the long ago words of Lao Tzu.

And then it got more interesting. Banke also spoke of renovating old beliefs, discarding old thought patterns and digging into our subconscious. Renovate you mind, what a concept. Throw out some patterns and just TRY something new.I've gone to the dark side and re-emerged as a lover of coffee. I have always been a tea-drinker (warm the pot, let it steep, it's a solemn ritual). I can now slowly sip and appreciate a good cup of coffee. I can even drink it black!

I highly recommend Gail Banke's audio-book. It is a quick listen, easily finished on a few walks and rides on the LRT. What are you ready to relinquish to make room in your room and in your mind? You might discover a new YOU.

Dandelion Bouquet

When lilacs bloomed a plenty
And daisies waved above
A little girl came skipping
To pick a handful of love.

She grasped so tightly fisted
And went to share her prize
Of her multi-stemmed handful
That she blew with squinted eyes.

The magic went a floating
To lands so far unknown
An itsy bitsy surprise
to spaces where they'd blown.

November in Pte. Claire

step into the golden
crunch beneath my feet

reach the past
with mistaken turns
down roads unwinding.

reach the past
memories falling from nowhere
unbid but oh so clear

reach the past
through dark spaces
hidden in corners.

There they are!
like puddles with floating leaves
reached into the past
wound around familiar places
and touched
the me
I used to be.

The Field

We start out with the best intentions, and then get way laid by life. Sometimes it’s big things, like a family that moves just as we are about to launch our stuff in the high school drama club, sometimes it’s a run-away parent, a broken leg prior to the big game, or a broken marriage.

Surprisingly enough, it can also be small things, a missed bus makes us late for an interview for a job we would clearly have hated, a flat tire takes us to a coffee shop where we reacquaint with an old high school friend. How many times do we think that we’re going in one direction and then find out it is taking us to something better? I know a man who ruined an Achilles tendon running, and then took up yoga to rectify it.

I took up yoga on the advice of a friend who said that 50+ was not too old to start! Through my 134 yoga visits of stretching, bending, and flowing, I have learned more than I can explain. That breathing through the learning really does help, how our body teaches patience and then rallies to our demands, how the joy of finally getting the asana can carry you for an entire day. Even though it’s nice to be naughty, how much are you willing to do to be good? Will you stick to the surprise ending to see how far it can take you? Even though my 184.5 hours of yoga are a far cry from Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours to greatness (Outliers, 2008), I am a better person because of it. I have a long way to go but as Rumi said "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I will meet you there."

The Universe conspired to bring a wounded runner to an unsuspecting soul, and it gave me someone who makes me smile every day.

Together we have balanced, OOOMMM’d, twisted, and seen the room upside down. We have grown stronger and more flexible together. We could sit together endlessly under a Bodhi tree. Namaste to Rob, Tamara, Tom, Deanna and many others for being a part of our story.

Watch for the Time - is there Ever Enough?

Like many of my generation, we count first and spend second. We were raised by parents who worked hard to accumulate and did not have access to a credit card. Did you know that the charge card did not become well known and used in Canada until the late 1960s? Can you imagine how many dollars sat hidden under mattresses until then?

When I saw the watch that I had been coveting, on a 30% off sale, my heart started to flutter. There is nothing quite as alluring as “the hunt”, it is my feeble attempt at beating the system. Yes, darn it all, I am a rule-follower (for the most part). 

Once a deal is spotted, what happens to you? Is there a voice that says “do it!”, or like most of us is there a trail of big and little voices playing in our heads? Do you hear, “what do you need that for?”, “are you sure you can afford it?”, and sometimes most loudly “do you deserve it?” The echoes of all these voices can continue in varying volumes depending on circumstance.

Then the next phase began. Instinct one: see if my children will share the cost and give it to me for Christmas. Yes, denial to deserve raised its ugly head. Maybe sharing the guilt would make it easier, I could justify the “gift”. Instinct two: consider it my own Christmas present and wait 54 days to put it on. Procrastination, maybe by then, I would feel like I deserve it. Instinct three: (in a quiet voice but certainly getting louder over the years) Wear it, love it, enjoy it. Instinct three won out and on the weekend, that watch became mine.

In light of a month that ended with several tragic accidents that took many young lives, I ponder the passage of time. The brevity of life to do the things we truly enjoy, to share our happiness with abounding joy. My heart goes out to the families of those lost and of the persons that took those lives. No one is left unscathed, just our roles differ. For an old colleague, who died quickly but not without pain, thank you Jon, for all you gave to the world.

So today, I am wearing my new watch. I have subdued the voice that said that “ I didn’t need it”, and I have opened a sufficient number of bank statements that say “I can afford it”. 

In tribute to those who will not enjoy the luxury of time, I wear a watch that will bear witness to each moment passing.